i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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