Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
