I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
