i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
