Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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