dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
