i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
