i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
