I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
