I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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