the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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