if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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