Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
