Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
