just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
