There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
