i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
