i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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