glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
