can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
