Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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