I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
