i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
