some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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