he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
