there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize