if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
