i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
