Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
