She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's blow job season.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
