So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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