My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want her autograph on my taint
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
