Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
