she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
