i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
