turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize