she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
