Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
