Who wears a wallet chain?!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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