bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
