I want to walk on stilts...naked
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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