I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
