Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
