I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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