if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
