Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
