I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
