Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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