Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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