Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
