Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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