I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
