he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
