Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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