Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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