I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
