Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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