No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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