Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Help. Why am I so naked?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
