I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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