He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
