There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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