look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
