He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
