just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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