I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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