Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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