Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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