Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
