Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
