just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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