I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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