just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
