its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
