Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
