I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
