My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize