Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
