AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
