im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
