he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
