Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize