Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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