If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
