I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
