I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize