somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
