come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
