I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
