Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
