Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
