he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
