I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
