He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
