your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
