I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
