drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
vagina is talking i cant
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
