I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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